Dear Tabloids...

I hear you're trying to get to the bottom of the "mystery girl" Joe had drinks with in April? Here's a simple idea: show me or Joe the picture and ask us. We could have easily told you it was one of our dear friends and a former employee of both of us that Joe was meeting to talk business. We've known her and her family since she was in high school. No secret. No mystery.

I'm also in business meetings and lunches and dinners with people of the opposite sex. Should I send you their photo before we go out so you're clear on that too? Or will you continue to make up stories about everyone we meet? I have a book signing tonight in Boston--at Brookline Booksmith, 279 Harvard Street. Be sure to come over and photograph me with the 300 or so hot guys I'm sure will be there. I'm in a relationship with ALL of them! I'm just that busy.

Joe and I are on TV, so I get it that our lives are open for everyone and their mother to criticize. What's unfair and completely disgusting is that you would drag every person we ever speak to into your fake stories. It's not acceptable to falsely portray our friends, family, business associates, fans, and even acquaintances this way. 

 The poor girl in your photo is freaking out now, and rightfully so, because she's getting harassing calls at her work, being stalked on the Internet, and even followed. How is this even remotely legal? Oh yeah, it's not. 

You know we have four daughters that are personally hurt every time you print these lies, but that doesn't seem to faze you at all. Maybe being sued for defamation finally will.